February 2022, my 16-going on 17-year-old neighbor committed suicide, apparently due to academic pressure.
My neighbor who seemed perfectly normal just a week before this, who showed “no noticeable signs” earlier, ended up hanging himself, for a tuition test result gone bad.
Hearing about such incidences, everybody starts instinctively judging the victim’s parents or their social circles not particularly being aware of the mental condition of their own people or have a sense of denial about the whole situation, thinking that nothing of this sort could actually happen to the people they love; “Mera ghar perfect hai, mere yaha aisa kuch ho nahi sakta”
Is it though? And what are you supposed to do, if you do notice signs? How do you help your teen? How do you help yourself? What’s a preventive measure? What is therapy? Why the stigma? Do you need therapy?
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What is therapy?
Therapy is heavily censured and more so, in India.
Also called psychotherapy or counseling (note: this does not necessarily include a psychiatrist), having a therapy session is meeting and having certain introspecting conversations with a therapist to resolve problematic behaviors, beliefs, feelings, relationship issues, or somatic responses (sensations in the body). Through therapy, one can change self-destructive behaviors and habits, resolve painful feelings, improve relationships, and more.
In this blog, I will mostly focus on psychological therapy.
Who needs counseling?
Basically, everyone needs or gets benefitted from therapy, more particularly, everyone experiencing emotional and physical difficulties affecting their lives, but wanting to be stronger, happier, and healthier. Those who tried many things on their own in the past, but which did not work, or did not work sustainably.
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But it’s only for extremely disturbed and crazy people, isn’t it?!
NO. A THOUSAND TIMES NO. The number of times I’ve heard this from some of my own classmates/their parents is dumbfounding and uncountable. First things first, the majority of the people who opt for counseling do not have major or serious mental illnesses. They have serious life challenges or are going through difficult life-cycle transitions that may be taxing their current ability to cope. This, in turn, may be adversely affecting their well-being and ability to function as well as they would like. Most people who see therapists are not dangerous, violent, or even eccentric. Mentally ill people are actually more likely to be victims of violence, according to a study published in the American Journal of Mental Health.
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BUSTING IMPORTANT AND COMMON MYTHS!
If you have watched Suits, you already know, through Louis Litt, about the reluctance, stigma, hard comings, and mostly, the benefits of being in therapy.
This section of this blog is extremely important.
“People get forced to go to therapy”
The vast majority of people who see therapists do so of their own will. They want help and are willing to deal with the stigma of seeking treatment for mental health problems. People with mental illness that has reduced their functioning to the point where they are dangerous usually need psychiatric treatment before they commit to therapy.
“Therapy is only for people with mental illness”
In the same way, people visit doctors when they aren’t sick — they might want a checkup, test, or advice — therapy is not exclusively for people with diagnosed mental illness. Good therapists listen to us without judgment and teach us how to solve problems in a healthy way and live a happier life. This is something all of us want, whether we seek help or not.
“People who go to therapy are broken or something is wrong with them”
Therapy is a tool for people to explore themselves, which they believe will help them lead better lives and overcome sadness. It’s not a “fix.”
“People who go to therapy are too weak to handle things on their own”
Imagine telling someone who was recently in a car accident that seeing a doctor meant they were too weak to recover from the injuries on their own. It sounds harsh, but it’s not so far from telling someone they are feeble because they use therapy to deal with trauma, mental illness, and stress rather than tough it out. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, and therapy is no exception. Therapy is hard work, and people who come to therapy are courageous and strong to ask for help and to make changes in their lives
“Everyone who is in therapy starts going after some tragedy or crisis occurs”
Painful events such as deaths in the family don’t have to be the catalysts. People seek therapy for guidance in navigating a new phase in life, dealing with general malaise, refuting long-held negative beliefs, and more. Nothing horrible has to happen for people to want a happier life. Hospitals aren’t only for emergency room visits and a therapist’s office doesn’t have to be your mental or emotional fallout shelter. If you feel like your life is great and your mind is healthy, therapy can maintain or improve that.
“People who see therapists don’t have friends or family who are willing to listen and help”
Unless one of your friends, family members, or partner is a licensed therapist, you won’t receive the same mental health benefits from talking with them. You shouldn’t place that responsibility entirely on your loved ones anyway. Friends are for conversations, not venting. They will be there for you during hard times, but you shouldn’t regularly use them as a substitute for therapy. Venting out too much may also strain your relationships and may make the person at the receiving end think about you as someone else.
“Everyone who goes to therapy is on medication”
The majority of mental health professionals recommend people treat mental illness with a combination of psychotherapy and medication or therapy alone. You can start off with a therapist (people are usually more comfortable going to them) than a psychiatrist, and a lot of times, it’s the only help that is required. People also don’t prefer psychiatrists because they think they don’t need medication or think it would be an extraneous burden/they think they’d get into a habit of consuming these.
“If you go to therapy, you are probably a female”
This one is factually true just because girls and women face less stigma seeking help. Boys experience societal pressure that makes them ambivalent towards therapy, e.g. “Ladki jaise mat ro” or “Mard ko dard nahi hota”
“People will think I’m losing my mind”
“People will think my life is out of control”
“People will think I’m high maintenance”
“People will think I can’t handle any challenges”
“People will think I magnify issues”
“People will think I’m a loser”
“People will think I’m weak”
Everyone can resonate with feelings of being judged, and we are sure that one or two of these reasons above resonate with some of you reading this blog. What is important to keep in mind is that you are not crazy and you are not out of control. Choosing to go to counseling is 100% in your control and when you do, you are choosing to prioritize yourself and gain even more control over your seemingly uncontrollable situation. Also, keep in mind that our lives are valuable and priceless so you cannot possibly be high maintenance when you’re choosing to take care of your mental health. Life is short – we need to learn skills to replace behaviors that do not work and to address problems that cause difficulties in how we function in life. It takes a lot of strength to face mental health issues every single day, it is a battle and you are fighting it every day. That is far from being weak.
Why do teenagers need therapy? Aren’t their problems insignificant/trivial?
Teenagers go through a lot of issues, usually all at the same time; adding up to their emotional, academic, and physical burdens, which in turn cause a lot of harm, though seemingly trivial to their parents or other adults. Even if some issues may seem obvious, over-exaggerated, or dumb, and also considering that parents MAY have had a similar past that they got through without any kind of help, teenagers deserve a supporting shoulder and someone who won’t have a clouded judgment about their personal issues. Also, you being mentally strong doesn’t guarantee your children being the same too.
Each phase of development brings specific challenges for children. Mental health conditions can make these challenges harder. They may come up due to events in a child’s life. These could have been traumatic events, such as being bullied/abused. They can also be routine and seemingly trifling, like moving to a new home or losing a friendship.
I’ve made a list of events, later in this blog, which may impact a teen’s mental health.
If my teen is going to therapy, does that mean they’re weaker or less independent? What about societal judgment?
Understanding where parents are coming from can help better communication of your needs in a way that feels more supportive and validating for both sides. If you, as a parent or your parents grew up with less open support for mental health and expressing emotions, you may not be as familiar or comfortable with directly expressing your concerns or fears about therapy.
Obviously, as discussed above, therapy is not for “weak” or “disturbed” people who can’t handle their issues well. If anything, if your kid has confided in you about their issues and asked for help openly, they’re brave and understand themselves in ways that many others don’t. This also reflects on the relationship between you and your kid.
Do you or your teen need therapy?
Different situations impact different people and teenagers differently. Here are some issues which may impact your or your teen’s mental health.
by Vaikhari SonawaneWhere do I get therapy?
- Psychiatrists. Psychiatrists are medical doctors that specialize in diagnosing and treating psychiatric disorders. They can prescribe medication, but they don’t typically offer counseling services.
- Psychologists. Psychologists also diagnose and treat psychiatric conditions. They typically offer counseling services and other forms of therapy. Psychologists are typically not licensed to prescribe medication as part of their work. They often work closely with other healthcare providers who can.
- Psychiatric nurse practitioners. These professionals offer counseling, and education, and can prescribe medication in some states.
- Counselors. Counselors include licensed professional counselors (LPCs), mental health counselors, alcohol and drug use counselors, veterans’ counselors, and pastoral counselors, among other types. They offer counsel targeted towards their area of specialization. Some are able to diagnose and treat certain conditions, but they can’t prescribe medication.
- Clinical social workers. These professionals hold a master’s degree in social work. They can provide individual and group counseling but can’t prescribe medication.
It isn’t always evident which professional you should choose. It will depend not only on your needs and budget but also on factors beyond your control, such as specialists in your area.
Refer to this article to learn about the types of therapy available.
LET’S GET REAL.
After getting rid of the stigma, one big problem still persists. The expense of therapy!
Therapy is a commitment, and it can be costly. An average therapy session would cost you something between Rs 1,000-Rs 3000 per session. Most professionals won’t be willing to negotiate so take this factor into account. The prolonged cost and effort to engage in it, combined with the difficulty of finding the right therapist (which can often be a trial-and-error ordeal), can be a deterrent for some — especially young people starting out in their careers who can’t dedicate a set amount of money per month to deal with any and all stresses. The cost of therapy can also be adjusted depending on the frequency of sessions, which in turn can be increased or reduced depending on if the patient is experiencing immediate crises. And the cost is set according to the amount of work both parties need to do in order to progress.
But fikar not! I found some free or affordable therapists for you in India!
Therapize India [Therapists below 1000]
Therapize India has a curated list of trusted professionals on its website. Visit the link in their bio and also go through their “Therapit Connect” posts!
Mindpeers
MindPeers can be connected if you need someone to talk to.
Youth 4 Peace Helpline (7303762763)
If you’re depressed, angry, stressed, fearful, anxious of alone, call on YFP India’s number.
Collated Mental Health Professionals
List of professionals, resources and services one can avail if they need support
Mann Talks Hotline
The number is in the post’s caption! Talk to a trust mental health professional now.
Care Me Health (299rs/sesh)
Talk to licensed therapists by visiting the link of number in the caption
Mindroom India
One can available free and paid therapy options through the link in their instagram bio
Yellow Club App
App to talk to a therapist!
THINGS TO KNOW BEFORE STARTING THERAPY
Therapists can’t “read” your mind. You have to be open with details of the situation. If you’re not comfortable with that, you will get more and more comfortable in a session or two. It’s a process directed towards better mental health by empathy, communication, and trust.
There might be times when you leave the session feeling worse than when you entered. Maybe more exhausted. Definitely more vulnerable. Therapy brings out a lot of emotions at the forefront and they’re not always easy to deal with. But most likely, you chose therapy for change and while it can be really gratifying it does come with teething pains.
Therapists know exactly how grueling the journey to self-care and growth is. How it feels to expose yourself like that, so open and vulnerable. Judging you for your actions and thoughts is the last thing on their minds. You’re safe, your thoughts and secrets are safe. They’re not your friends or family so it’s actually easier for them to not judge you, to instead holistically focus on how to help you feel better.
How to get the right therapist for you?
- (One of the most reliable ways of getting a good therapist is word of mouth. Reach out to friends and families who may have taken therapy in the past. You can also take a look at reviews of therapists online.
- Is there a gender you’d be more comfortable talking to? Remember this is a face you have to bare your deepest secrets to. There is nothing wrong with having comfort-related gender preferences, as is also suggested by this article.
- Don’t confuse laziness with convenience. Simply because a therapist is located close to your house is not reason enough to go to them. Invest time in your mental health.
- Make sure you know your therapist really well. Know their degrees and qualifications, and what licenses they have. Also, look into if they have any specializations and if those specializations are similar to the kind of help you’re seeking.
- Let’s all normalize nervousness, please. It’s natural to feel nervous before interacting with a therapist.
- And when all else is done, just rely on plain instinct. It’s a good idea to take a trial session with them and then assess how it makes you feel. Are you feeling lighter? More isolated? Was the experience cathartic or burdensome? Sometimes even a phone call would give you an idea about the kind of person they are.)
LET’S CONCLUDE!
Therapy is for everyone. These are SOME of the ways it helps you-
- improved communication and interpersonal skills.
- greater self-acceptance and self-esteem.
- ability to change self-defeating behaviors/habits.
- better expression and management of emotions, including anger.
- relief from depression, anxiety, or other mental health conditions.
It is not something to be stigmatized and shouldn’t be a taboo anymore. It’s the 21st century people!
My personal experience with therapy and why I’m writing this blog.
Having gone to therapy before for peer pressure-induced anxiety, I have more clarity about how I feel and how I handle it. My relationships with the people around me have changed significantly, in a positive way. I can’t go into more detail about this but you can contact me if you want!
The reason I’m writing this blog is to try and remove the stigma around counseling. Some of my friends and people around me do need therapy and are mostly brought back because of “Log Kya Kahenge”
Humein khudki AUR logon ki thinking change karni hai.
If you want to be updated as the blogs keep coming, comment down below
-Vaikhari
5 replies on “Therapy and its stigmatization.”
Very Very nice information 👌👍🙏
Amazingly deep and all inclusive article by a teenager.Superb writing and thinking
profoundly appropriately said.
It’s well explained and very informative…
As a teenager I would say that this is one of the information every parent & teen should read.
Very well done Vaikhari di