Beauty Standards and Pretty Privilege

“Sunaina beta, sunscreen use karte ho ki nahi? kitne tan hogaye ho!” “Sayra kitne dubli hogayi ho, kuch khaati ho ya nahi?” “Itni badi naak! Papa se saari gandi genes hi le li tumne” “Beta, pimples bahaut aane lag gaye hai, skin ka khayal rakha karo” “Aarav beta, basketball khelo, height badh jayegi” “Sharma ji, Akshay ko gym membership dila do, thoda healthy nahi ho gaya?”

“Tune dekha Sunaina tu kitni kaali lag rahi hai aaj?” “Dude, Sayra is literally a chalti-firti skeleton for real” “Bro uski naak? Pinocchio in real life” “Omg ew does he even wash his face? What’s with all the acne?” “I bet Aarav regrets not playing any sports right now, he’s shorter than half of the girls in our class” “How fat does Akshay want to be till he decides to hit the gym?” (Children who get bullied for their looks, get to hear this every day at school/classes/recreational spots/certain playgrounds)

2 perspectives, one from parents/relatives/adults, usually said because of genuine concern, put out wrongly. The other one almost never said to someone directly (exception: bullying/genuine friendly health concerns) out of disregard (at times, even disgust/hate for someone)

Parents/elders in general do not understand/know the effects of what these potentially general/innocent statements can be on their child, irrespective of the age. As this write-up is focusing only on the parent-child relations right now, I will only try to explain a part of what probably happens and goes on in your teenager’s mind.

What is pretty privilege? What are beauty standards? Where do these come from? How do these affect teenagers? What are the consequences? How do teenagers and their parents feel about these? What conversations can parents have with their children? What are the possible solutions?

PRETTY PRIVILEGE & BEAUTY STANDARDS

Pretty privilege works on the principle that people who are deemed more attractive, based on accepted societal beauty standards, have an upper hand in the world and are afforded opportunities that regular folks aren’t.

Beauty standards are the specific societal standards, constantly fluctuating and coming in as trends, deemed to be beautiful or acceptable.

Beauty Standards: Girls&Boys

Please note that all of this doesn’t apply to every single teenager but to the majority of them.

Perfectly toned legs, sharp nose, symmetrical face, prominent jawline, no hip dips, big-enough lips, small waist, big butt, flat stomach, and watch glass body are the female western beauty standards. From a parent’s perspective, yes, the child shouldn’t be feeling the need to be as perfect as this and try to fulfill the lack of any or many of these. But the internet representation of teens says otherwise. Numerous teenage influencers and social media stars blessed with beautiful genes/those fortunate enough to afford different cosmetic procedures get a say on how teenagers feel about their appearances.

Where social media does have a part in this, a lot of bullying/comments are passed by the teenagers’ peers. This leads to self-doubt in teenagers’ minds and makes them less confident.

Generally speaking, compared to girls, boys are less dissatisfied with their own bodies and consider themselves to be better-looking and less overweight.

In Western societies, the idea of a leaner, muscular, and V-shaped male body has developed as reflected in photographs in magazines.

Boys are expected to have a clean, sleek, masculine style; with perfectly sculpted bodies and sharp facial features (also symmetrical). They are expected to be tall and look more authoritative.

Taking bodies into consideration, both girls and boys, are expected to be thin but not too thin, have muscle, but not too much for girls, and a good amount for boys.

THE HALO EFFECT

The halo effect is something referred to as the “physical attractiveness stereotype” and the “what is beautiful is also good” principle.

A common example of this affecting public is how certain people could not believe that Ted Bundy was a serial killer; raped, strangled, or bludgeoned and mutilated his victims because apparently, he didn’t appear as a serial killer was “supposed” to.

WHAT DO THE POPULAR/ATTRACTIVE TEENS GET OUT OF THIS?

• They are more likely to be hired than an unattractive person
• They are more likely to get easier, higher-paying jobs than a so-called ugly person
• They are more likely to get out of doing unpleasant tasks
• They are more likely to be forgiven for dumb mistakes

Though parents may disagree with these, teen jobs, mostly related to socializing, marketing or advertising; do need the teenager to look visibly pleasing.

WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH TEENAGERS?

HOW DOES IT AFFECT THEM?

Teenagers (under 17) are the largest buyers of skincare and cosmetic products, following the 18-24 age demographic.

• Appearance-related concerns have increased among young people, compared to three years ago. Just one in four 7-16 year olds feel confident about how they look (25%), down from 39% in 2018. Additionally, one in five young people say they don’t like their appearance at all. (2021 ChildWise Survey)
• Young people with a visible difference are three times more likely to have experienced repeated unkind messages about their appearance on social media (16% versus 5%), and twice as likely to have had personal photographs sent to other people at school without their consent (17% versus 9%). (2021 ChildWise Survey)
• School is a much tougher environment for young people with a visible difference. One in three had mean comments relating to their appearance (31%, compared with 20%), and for one in four, this has escalated to some form of bullying (24%, compared with 13%).  It is therefore no surprise that they are more likely than their peers to feel worried or anxious about starting a new school (40% versus 29%).(2021 ChildWise Survey)
• Fewer than one in five 7-16 year olds have told a teacher about someone being bullied because of the way they look (17%).  Two in five young people with a visible difference have done this or know someone else who has done this (40%). (2021 ChildWise Survey)
• Nearly half of 7-16-year-olds have tried to stop someone from being bullied for the way they look or know someone else who has done this (46%) – this increases to over half for those with a visible difference. (2021 ChildWise Survey)

HEALTH HAZARDS

Eating Disorders:

https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/eat-disorder.html

Signs your kid has an eating disorder:

• Extreme preoccupation about being overweight
• Strict dieting followed by high-calorie eating binges
• Overeating when distressed
• Feeling out of control
• Disappearing after a meal
• Depressed moods
• Alcohol or drug abuse
• Frequent use of laxatives or diuretics
• Excessive exercising
• Irregular menstrual cycles

Sometimes, being part of a sport such as ballet, gymnastics, or running, where being lean is encouraged, is associated with eating disorders in teens. In one study, researchers linked anorexia with an obsession with perfectionism — concern over mistakes, high personal standards, and parental expectations and criticism.

What Are Symptoms of Eating Disorders in Teens?

Symptoms of eating disorders may include the following:

• A distorted body image
• Skipping most meals
• Unusual eating habits (such as eating thousands of calories at one meal or skipping meals)
• Frequent weighing
• Extreme weight change
• Insomnia
• Constipation
• Skin rash or Dry Skin
• Dental cavities
• Erosion of tooth enamel
• Loss of hair or nail quality
• Hyperactivity and high interest in exercise

Health hazards as a result of bullying

The psychological effects of bullying include depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, self-harming behavior (especially for girls), alcohol and drug use and dependence, aggression, and involvement in violence or crime (especially for boys). While bullying can lead to mental health problems for any child, those who already have mental health difficulties are even more likely to be bullied and to experience its negative effects.

Health hazards as a result of rapid weight loss

Rapid weight loss creates physical demands on the body. Possible serious risks include:

• Gallstones, which occur in 12% to 25% of people losing large amounts of weight over several months
• Dehydration can be avoided by drinking plenty of fluids
• Malnutrition is usually from not eating enough protein for weeks at a time
• Electrolyte imbalances, which, rarely can be life-threatening.

Health hazards as a result of eating disorders

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/health-consequences

CONVERSATIONS TO HAVE

Teenagers are already reluctant to open up about their issues to their parents/peers, fearing judgment or their own parents shutting down their thoughts and opinions about a topic.

If your child does open up to you, you do not want to say-

• Focus on your studies, you do not need to care about how you look at this age.
• See? I noticed that too (particular disfiguration/pigmentation/discoloration/any other physical change in the child’s body). I did tell you to apply(certain home-made/laboratory-tested cosmetic/skincare products)
• Why do you care about what they say? Be strong!

/Instead, you could say I understand/am trying to understand what you’re going through.

Even if you do understand what it feels like, your teenager does not want to or need to know what you went through, at a different period of time, with different societal standards. This could be said once the child feels more comfortable/stable about themselves. Also know that every child heals differently, what helped you may not help your teenager.

I also understand that parents are concerned about their child’s physical health/appearance. Derogatory comments about your child’s body shouldn’t be and aren’t tolerable at all. If showing concern, it shouldn’t be put out as direct comments on a child’s body; softer statements, for eg, “Ishu, I’ve noticed you’ve been acting strange, your diet has changed, you’ve been losing your appetite. Is everything alright?” instead of “Isha, you don’t eat anything being served to you! You’ve grown thinner and look like a stick. Is your only aim in life becoming a skinny model?”

Comments about a teenager’s body weight, body shape, facial features, body hair, skin color change (discoloration/tan), etc. should all be addressed softly and out of genuine concern.

Not caring about what other people say or think, we expect you to not compare our skins or bodies to our cousins/friends/anyone. Children being skinny does not make you look like a bad parent. Them being a little sunburnt does not look like you don’t help them take care of their skin. Them having skin outbreaks at the age of 13-18 does not mean it’s the end of the world.

Actual skin concerns should be addressed only by a dermatologist.

General skin disorders in teenagers are

1. Acne
2. Eczema & Dermatitis
3. Dandruff
4. Athlete’s foot
5. Cold Sores
6. Excessive sweating
7. Sunburn

Parents also need to understand that teenagers are packed and loaded with hormones. They also need to understand that there is a huge generation gap between us and you, and therefore, we do not think the same way.

Teenagers need to understand that a lot of self-image issues and physical appearances will go away as they age. Teenagers shouldn’t feel pressurized or feel the need to go through an external cosmetic procedure as they haven’t yet grown into their features.

Beauty is subjective.